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I really, really, really, really, really want to clean my… - Good Enough Moms [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Good Enough Moms

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[Jun. 23rd, 2005|12:14 pm]
Good Enough Moms


[mood |frustratedfrustrated]

I really, really, really, really, really want to clean my blankety-blank house.

I really hate the tone of voice I am using with my five year old right now.

Sometimes parents sit at the computer and shut things out becuase it is preferable to the interaction they might be having otherwise.

Excuse, my two year old is trashing my cd collection.

[User Picture]From: aulaitcru
2005-06-23 05:26 pm (UTC)
Damn, I was about to make an almost identical entry to yours, but you beat me to it.

I am most upset with myself for the tone of voice I am using with my five year old. I feel horrible. I take a lot of my frustration with the younger one out on him because he's older and more verbal.

It will get better, I just need to take deep breaths.

(And yes, my two y.o. trashed my CD collection yesterday.)
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[User Picture]From: renegade_geek
2005-06-23 06:11 pm (UTC)
Is that just a two year old thing? I can't even count how many of my cds seem to be covered with mysterious sticky substances.

I ripped a bunch to MP3, to back them up and because that way I can lock away the physical media and still listen to it on my computer.
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[User Picture]From: onecrazymother
2005-06-24 12:46 am (UTC)
that's comforting, that we both almost made the same post. I try so hard to speak nicely. I try so hard to be peaceful and calm and fun and energetic and competent. But sometimes, I just get so frustrated.

So, what did I model about how to deal with frustration and anger today? I spoke somewhat sharply, I distanced myself for a while, I eventually calmed myself down, and then reached out respectfully. (having sent Dragonboy, the 5yo to his room for whining, when I went to talk to him a few minutes later, I actually knocked on the door frame. He seemed to appreciate that.)

They are so cute and wonderful, and so irrational and destructive and frustrating at the same time.

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[User Picture]From: renegade_geek
2005-06-23 06:09 pm (UTC)
Sometimes parents sit at the computer and shut things out becuase it is preferable to the interaction they might be having otherwise.

Boy do I hear you. And sometimes 5-year-olds need to hear that tone of voice to remind them that mom is person with feelings too, a fact he would be wise to remember if he ever wants a dessert again.

I know this may not work for you, but when the mess in my house is driving me nuts, and my munchkin won't let me clean, I just leave the house. We go to the park, take a hike, even work int he garden... whatever just to get a change of scenery. It doesn't get he hosue clean, but it does bring my blood pressure down.
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[User Picture]From: onecrazymother
2005-06-24 12:42 am (UTC)
yeah, sometimes going out is the right thing to do. But I *really* needed to clean the house.

After I made that post, things continued to be difficult, including Horseboy hitting me, fairly hard, directly in the soft part of my throat. It was absolutely all I could do not to hit him back. I couldn't even give him a time out. I was so hurt and upset. By the time I was ok, he had moved on. Hopefully my scream and walking away and not talking for two minutes got the point accross.

Eventually I ended up sitting down and watching a movie *with* them, and then going to the pharmacy, and they fell asleep on the way back. I carried them both in the house and let them nap for two hours while I first had a healthy snack and read a bit from a relaxing book, and then did some housework. The house will never be perfect, and may not even be what I would like to consider "acceptable" until Horseboy is at least 4 or so, and can cooperate better. But I swept and mopped, and dusted, and wiped up yogurt smears off the woodwork, and it is much better.

Now they are up, and will likely be up half the night because of the late day nap.
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[User Picture]From: elfling519
2005-06-24 01:02 am (UTC)
I have those days when, quite seriously I just want to throw something (sometimes the kid) through the wall. I guess it's good that I smoke, ahemmm, because 2 babies in playpens and the other 2 told to sit on the couch until I tell them they can get off, gives me enough time to *inhale* deeply. LIke today...

The 3yo that I watch pushed her 17 mo old brother down causing him to hit his head. It wasn't hard and he cried like 2 seconds but I had to get the point across that that was unacceptable behavior (way too much hitting, pinching, and otherwise aggressive behavior going on with the 3 siblings). She was sent to the "time out" corner. She stood there and continued to torment her little brother, who followed her to the corner. I told her to turn around and face the corner like she was supposed to. She gave me a nasty look and refused. Her punishment for THAT was that she had to sit at the dinning room table until it was her nap time. She wasn't allowed to play, read, draw, watch tv, nothing but eat her lunch. After lunch, when we go outside to play before nap time she was allowed to come out but had to sit in a lawn chair and watch the other kids play. If she can't play nice then she will not be allowed to play at all. Too harsh? I don't think so.
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[User Picture]From: onecrazymother
2005-06-24 10:07 am (UTC)
well, for what it's worth, we had pretty good effect with just adding one minute at a time for failure to comply with time out. But then, I only had two kids here, and can hold a child in the time out chair, generally, if they won't comply.

I hate time out soooo much. Definitely one of my least pleasant discipline tools --- time "in" being so much better. But we do use it to reinforce no hitting. At least usually. Yesterday, when horseboy, the 2yo hit me in the soft spot of my throat it was absolutely all I could do to not retaliate, and then he had moved on by the time I could have done something. And he's not verbal enough to talk to about that kind of thing, after the fact.
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[User Picture]From: elfling519
2005-06-24 11:41 am (UTC)
Not having the verbal skills I think is one of the hardest things to overcome. They can't express what it is that caused them to the action, and they can't understand fully what it is you are trying to say to them about thier behavior being wrong. I guess it can a frustrating time for both parent and child.

But on a different note, 3 of these kids aren't mine, and thier parents do NO disciplining at all, so I'm in a position to try and teach them all that is considered "good" behavior.
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